Atlas Hands - Benjamin Francis Leftwich

Hey there. I know it's been decades I've updated a blog post. Kidding, I'm exaggerating. But yes, it's been a long time. 


I've got to say it was a pretty hectic month for me since I've just moved to Kuala Lumpur (KL). Which also explains for my non-existence on this blog. I had no proper internet connection therefore I had no chance of blogging. Anyway, new house, new room, new environment. This time my room looked a little neater, and more girlish. Thanks to IKEA! Hehe, who doesn't loveeee IKEA? My previous rooms were all very messy, meaning different colours of furniture in the room, unmatching type of material and such. Oh well, I like my room now although it isn't that fancy. 

Towards the end of Jan, it was a lil bitter. I didn't know it will all come so soon. Tumbling down on me, crashing and crushing me at every possibility, stabbing me in and out. I wanted to badly survive so much with all my strength but I guess, there's a reason why it happened. Sometimes in life, the things that we don't expect to happen, happens right in front of your eyes. And, you're left with two choices. 

Take the easy road; leave it. Let it be, stop trying, stop making efforts, pick up your stuffs and disappear. 

Take the hard road; gather your strength, fight for your rights, make a will to change things, go through it like a warrior, never giving up.

But there might be a third choice, to do both. That's where I put myself in. In between. Is it even possible? And to answer that, maybe it takes a while. 

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Goodbye January, you definitely hit me good. Just as I was about to open up slowly, the door slammed shut. Painful, but I'm used to it. 

It finally came after 30 long days. This time, it still haunt me. Every night, before I sleep, negativity swarmed around me and my thoughts. Pulling me deep in pools of depression. "Why?" I asked myself. But I couldn't bring myself to answer because it hurts too much, my cheeks were drenched with salty water. 

[never judge a book with its cover. you don't know what she's going through. the blades and bullets firing at her. she might be replying your text with full-on emoticons, but how sure are you on knowing that she's actually crying behind every text she received and sent? her hands trembling so much watching like nothing had ever happened. taking short breaths because tears are pouring down so heavily making it hard to breathe. biting the insides of her mouth to stop her from screaming. her hair, all messed up, blocking the little curls at the side of her lips, a smile that was once there. the worst part? she never told anyone about this.]

I'm hoping somehow that my days will get better soon. A little unusual for me to rant like this, but just to clear the air for once.