Dear Diary | Comfort or take risk?


Can't believe how fast time flies and I have not been updating my blog due to crazy load of assignments. That's okay, I'm making it up now.

Well, I'm not sure how many of you knows this but in case you didn't, I'm still a student and I'm studying in a college for now. My foundation programme is coming to an end and I'm required to select my choice of Bachelor programmes for undergraduate studies soon. Now, that's where I'm stuck at.

Comfort. You know how some people are when they're around with the familiar people, they're super cheery and happy and very very talkative? But when they're put out there with strangers, they keep quiet and try to avoid awkward conversations...

You see, I've always projected my future career as being an engineer. I have a few reasons for that. First, it was the only choice I had to pursue in that path since the university I was enrolled in had very limited courses. Second, my bestfriend wanted to pursue in that path too so I thought why not? I will have a partner to study with and my days in university wouldn't be so dull. Within that period of time, I did face some hardships. In the first semester, I did really bad and I almost gave up with physics since I find it really hard to understand. But along the way I had friends who encouraged me further and keep pushing me to do it. Everyday I had to tell myself that 'it's okay, you can do this, you are made for this, and you will do it'. It was also where I discovered my true passion which was Design. I love designing things and from a very young age, I love to make handcrafted cards and collect colourful pens. I went through that Engineering foundation programme, finished it within 3 semesters and bam, I made it for degree in engineering. However, due to some unfortunate events, I had to discontinue my studies from there and went to a new place instead.

Because I was from a foundation programme with an Engineering base, I thought it would be best if I continue within that path. I went to Monash University Malaysia, and tried to apply for their Engineering course. Sadly, I didn't make it by a few average points and they offered me to their foundation programme instead, which is Monash University Foundation Year (MUFY). That was the shortest and fastest route to get into Monash University Malaysia, therefore I took it up even though I knew I had wasted 3 semesters of my previous foundation programme. I was devastated but what could i do? In my mind, I knew I had to get into the engineering course. There was no way I am going to waste my time, energy, and money again.

Now here I am, in the last semester of MUFY and I'm almost there to enter Monash University Malaysia. This is the part where I'm questioning myself yet again. After my first sem in MUFY, it occurred to me that I can't do something without passion. I realised that even in MUFY, I was still very weak with physics. And what's an engineer without good knowledge in physics, right? As an engineer, we deal with numbers and equations every single day in our life. People rely on us to invent new machines for the future. I did mention it to my parents that I wanted to change my course, but after their replies, I couldn't let them down. They did not encourage me to be in the Art stream because they were scared that it would not lead to me a bright future.

Am I ready to embark on this journey of the engineering path?
...
Do I really want to deal with equations and numbers every single day?
...
Am I sure this is something of my passion?
...
Will I regret the choice I make today in the future?
...

I am so comfortable with the choice I made 3 years ago, with the confident voice and tone I said, "yes, I want to take up the engineering course". Plus, people around has always been supporting me and rooting for me because engineering is really tough and if I succeeded, it would be a dream come true. But then again, there's this mini voice in my head that whispers, "you're in denial. you know what your true passion is, why are you doing this to yourself". It appears every single time when a person ask me what am I going to pursue for my future studies. At first I thought, nah. Engineering is made for me, I know I can do it. Then I realised that every time I saw something related to arts & design, my heart aches and begging me to be there instead. I quickly tell myself that, "no, people have high expectations for you. Are you going to let them down by changing to another course?".

I'm torn in between the comfort of staying in that engineering course because of the support I get from my family and how lonely I will be if I were to swerve into Arts & Design courses. Should I still do it even though I know how devastated my parents will be after knowing that their first child did not listen to their advice? Should I chase my dreams and continue with my passion even though I know I would get looked down by people? Should I risk my all despite people saying that art students get paid less than engineering students?

As I'm writing this, I'm nervous. I really am. I was put into this perception that engineering and medicine courses are the best and arts is the lowest. It's a traditional thinking and majority are with it. What if that's true? I'm terrified of making any mistake because it's not everyday that you make a decision that determines your future. 

Arts or Engineering?

Stay true to your passion or continue making your parents happy?

Naomi Neo's latest blogpost hit me real hard and since then, I've been thinking again and again. I really need advices from people who have converted from the science stream into arts stream. I would really appreciate if you could leave some comments or it would be better to email me at hidayahazhar411@gmail.com

Such a lengthy and heartfelt post. Hahahahaha but I'm serious! I do need help. :(


6 COMMENTS

  1. dearest kak yaya,

    I understand your dilemma but, if you think numbers and equations, pfft i got this FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, or at least until I retire. Then by all means, go through this journey. Comes with a big reward anyway right?

    Yes, it is traditional to think engineers get better pay than artsy people but really what sort of designer are we talking about? web/interior/graphic/fashion designer? Cos I believe their pay checks can/may top engineers, depending on your success (dude, how much do you think tory burch and all those people earn? PLUS the fame zomg). okay la, don't go so far. Just sereni and shentel is a good example.

    FYI, don't make decisions because of friends. that's all i can say.

    I hope this helps, in some way.

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    Replies
    1. hi emma lee!

      hahahaha i was so surprised to see your comment here but nevertheless, I appreciate it! <3 thank you. i'm more interested in doing graphic designing but monash malaysia doesn't have it :( so, the most related would be doing communications which i can then major in advertising or bla bla. i thought so too that any course we do, we can go far. it's just a matter of efforts. right right right? but honestly tho, if im already suffering with physics now, how will i cope in degreeeee? *cries*

      <3 so much love for you! Thank you emz.

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  2. Hello there!

    I saw this post through Butterfly Project group and was appalled to comment after reading everything. Hehe. I understand completely how you feel, I also faced with the same kind of problem few years back. You see, I finished SPM in vocational school had taken up Mechanical Engineering and then continued on with Foundation in Engineering. Was also a first child and followed along with my parents' dream.

    Do not fear making mistakes, it is how we learn in life :) after pursuing foundation, I dropped out and went into the workforce. Only recently I continued pursuing degree part time; again it is not my passion but nobody forced me - I took this up out of my responsibility as a first child. I also had planned to take Arts and Designs but in the end I did not. If you do take this road, just remember, there is never a smooth one.

    If this is still too hard for you, istikarah adik :) insya Allah He will help and guide you through this. There is no one else but Him.

    If you still need to chat about this, you can drop me an email shahsydomo90@gmail.com

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    Replies
    1. Hello! <3

      thank you so much for ur comment! and yayyy finally there's someone who can relate to this situation. thank you for your advice and do expect an email from me soon! I still need some clarification, if you don't mind hehe. Thank you!

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  3. Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh Hidaya!What you are going through is so common subhanallah!You are not alone.What i would advise you to do is look at things with a positive outlook.Sometimes we get into things with a negative attitude and end up missing out on a great adventure.Also do research on what your interests are.You might still end up in the arts even though you studied engineering only that you'll have a unique spin to it.Hope that helps!xoxo

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